For some reason, your managers' employees are left with the feeling their bosses love their Blackberries more than them. What other conclusion could they draw as they tell their workforce management woes to managers who prefer to stare down, entranced, at an electronic device rather than meet the tortured gaze of their long-suffering employee? Maybe you need to pass along a listening primer to your company's supervisors. Joe Takash, author of "Results Through Relationships: Building Trust, Performance and Profit Through People," and founder of performance management firm Victory Consulting, has some tips for gaining "listening wisdom":
- Practice silence. Listening is hard enough in your personal life. Recommend managers start at home before trying it out on the job. With a spouse or friend, suggest they force themselves to stay silent until the person they're communicating with is done talking. "In many ways, it's more difficult to do this with someone you know well, since conversations often are filled with interruptions by both parties," says Takash. "By practicing silence in a personal relationship, you learn the discipline of knowing when to be silent in a professional one."
- Eliminate distractions. Ask managers to shut the door, turn off their cell phone, and not to glance at the computer for e-mail. If appropriate—if their employee has communicated he or she feels this meeting is important—suggest managers clear their schedule and tell the person he or she has all the time necessary to say what needs to be said. "Don't bring up tangential or unrelated topics," says Takash. "You want the other person to feel you've done everything possible to make 100 percent listening possible."
- Focus your attention. "This means you can't daydream, dwell on how you're going to respond, or tune out the other person," says Takash, who says providing undivided attention in the workplace is a "gift." "Reflect on what he or she's trying to tell you—consider the literal meaning and also read between the lines."
- Show non-verbal attentiveness. "We communicate most of our messages without opening our mouths. It's not enough just to listen attentively; you need to demonstrate this attentiveness," says Takash. "Three easy ways to do so are: nod; make eye contact; smile. Shifting uneasily in your seat or glancing around as if you're waiting for the police to arrest you are not ways to communicate your attentiveness."
- Use the "repeat principle." Suggest managers paraphrase what they thought the other person said. For instance: "If I'm hearing correctly, you're telling me that…" "Requesting clarification communicates your desire to know exactly what is meant," Takash says.
- Empathize. "Empathy is essential for results-producing relationships, and it's especially crucial in listening," says Takash. "You have 101 ways to communicate your empathy, not all of them verbal. A knowing look, a nod of your head, a sigh—these gestures can communicate you 'get it' faster and more empathically than a long-winded speech."
- Ask good questions. "Don't be shy about asking a few good questions. Even one good question may be enough to show you've listened intently," says Takash. "A good question demonstrates you've followed the logic of the conversation and are thinking about possible solutions or actions. That's the mark of a perceptive listener."
Thanks to Training Magazines
