"Maybe you can help," John began. He's a neighbor of mine and a mid-level manager in a large organization. Part of his job is deciding who gets promoted from individual contributor to supervisor. That's what he wanted to talk about.
"What's troubling you?" I asked. We talk a lot about John's work challenges, but he rarely uses the word, "help."
In the next couple of minutes, John described his situation. He had three supervisory openings to fill. The process his company uses involves pared down first round candidates to six (double the available slots) who went to the second round.
"Two promotions are a slam dunk," John told me. "One's a former supervisor of ours who took a few years off to raise a family, and gets one of the next open slots. The other is just head and shoulders above the others. And, there's one candidate who's at the other end of the scale and just doesn't measure up to the job."
I could do the math. "That leaves two."
"Right, there's Richie and Danielle and they're pretty close on paper."
"What does your head say," I asked. We've been through this before I often ask clients to describe the logic behind a decision.
"Danielle is my head's clear choice. She's got more experience and she's been working hard for a couple of years to qualify for a supervisor's job, seeking opportunities, taking courses on her own, and doing a bit of schmoozing among the current supervisors."
I was puzzled. "What about your gut?" After we've done the logic part, I want to discuss emotion. You know you've got a good decision when both match up after vigorous analysis. When they don't match you've got to dig deeper.
"Well, I really like Danielle, everybody does. She'll pitch in without being asked, cover for others when they need it, takes time to help new people learn the ropes …"
"But?"
"But I wonder if she's too nice and won't be able to make tough decisions."
"Did you ask her about it at the interview? What did she say?"
"She said, 'I'm a single mom with two teenage boys, believe me I can be tough when I need to be."
Danielle sounded to me like she had a lot of good things going for her. She was interested in being a boss and had worked to prepare herself. I've had teenagers and you have to make tough decisions and take stands when you're the parent of one. And, this is big for me, Danielle seems to enjoy helping others succeed.
"So, what's the problem, she sounds like a good promotion to me. Why does your gut say otherwise?"
"I think it's something I used to hear all the time about how 'it's better to be respected than liked.'"
Actually, that mis-quote of Machiavelli comes in several forms including "respected" and "feared" on the hard side and "liked" and "loved" on the soft side. Supposedly, Machiavelli or someone said that the hard side was better. Let's lay some nonsense to rest.
Unless you choose to be feared, it's not one or the other. You can be respected and liked or even loved. Most of the great bosses I've seen have been both.
Even Machiavelli knew that. His advice was to be both if you could manage it.
Boss's Bottom Line
If you're a boss, these are no "respect" or "loved" buttons to push and no magic potions either. Demonstrate by your behavior that you know what you're supposed to know, and act in ways that show you care about your team members' success and you won't have to worry about being either respected or liked.
Thanks To Wally Bock's Three Star Leadership Blog
http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2011/05/16/a-conversation-about-a-candidate-for-promotion.aspx
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