The Temperature of Instant Success

This week, I had a conversation about the driving force behind the Industrial Revolution. Those early railroads and steamships created the world we know. Before the Industrial Revolution, we lived on farms and traveled on horseback. Afterwards, we lived in cities and railroads and massive steamships made commerce, education, travel and prosperity possible.


So, what powered the Industrial Revolution? Water. More specifically and more explosively, steam!


My friend pointed out that humans have depended on water for thousands of years. Water wheels have been around for a long time, and primitive sailing ships made exploration and early commerce possible, but they had little impact on the average person. Even hot water is of little use. In fact most of us avoid being in "hot water" and use it only for brewing tea or washing dishes. Even at 211 degrees Fahrenheit, water is not very exciting.


But add just one more degree and something amazing happens! At 212 degrees, you get steam and steam moves mountains! I'm convinced this metaphor applies to achieving our dreams.


As a golfer, I know that the difference in performance between a world-class PGA professional and a local club champion is measured in the tiniest of increments. To earn fame and fortune on "The Tour" the professional has to be an excellent putter, but none of them make every putt, every time. In fact, a millionaire professional only makes two or three more putts in a round of golf than some of the golfers at your local club. In putting, small differences are worth several million dollars per year!


When I started as a licensed Psychologist, there were three other people who shared the same specialty in our community. When I arrived, they had a monopoly and there was "no market" for me to make a living. My three competitors had years of experience. They had superb reputations, and our referral sources all knew and liked them. I was a nobody, young and untested. But I found an edge.


My competitors took up to a month to complete evaluations and get reports back to the people who needed them. I determined to dictate my reports, have them typed and delivered over-night. Were my reports any better? Of course not. Given my lack of experience, they probably weren't thorough or as good but when I personally delivered my results the next day, I got lots of attention and soon had all the business I could handle.

The difference between "good" and "excellent" is very, very small. In my case, the difference actually had little to do with the scientific accuracy of my results. I just delivered my results faster, and that made "enough" difference to build my business.

For many people, the difference between being slim and fit, verses gradually becoming heavy and unhealthy may only be a hundred calories per day. Eat even a few more calories than you burn each day and you gain weight. Burn a few extra calories each day, and you lose weight. Sure, optimum health may be more complicated, but it starts with a very small number of calories, maybe only one cookie per day!

This applies to any goal you want to achieve. Remember the old saying, "inch by inch, anything's a cinch?" The opposite is also true. "Yard by yard, everything is hard."

High achievers know that small differences make all the difference. The Industrial Revolution changed everything and it began with only one degree of additional heat applied to common, every day water. Boil the water, channel the steam, and you've got a locomotive to change the world.

What small differences will you make this week? Perhaps you'll make one more sales call, or prepare a bit more thoroughly for your next presentation. Whether in golf or sales or in the more "mundane" things like parenting, the top performers are rarely dramatically better. Typically, they are "ordinary people doing ordinary things, extraordinarily well." This week, do a few ordinary things just slightly better. I think you'll see an extraordinary change in your results.

What is Deadlock?

 

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
        
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
        
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have classes 'coz my teacher is busy. Let's spend the week together.
       
Grandpa (the 1st boss ;)) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.  Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
       
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip. Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.
       
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I Can't give you company.
        
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.
        
This is called DEAD LOCK !!!

This Is How We Miss Out Something Called "LIFE"

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words. 
  
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E

8 Ways to Help Your Bipolar Loved One Cope



Depression and bipolar disorder are family diseases.

Everyone sharing a kitchen and a bathroom is affected. In fact, in his book "Understanding Depression," J. Raymond DePaulo Jr., M.D., writes that "depression … has a much greater impact on marital life than rheumatoid arthritis or cardiac illness. One study found that only severe forms of cancer affected a family as adversely as depression or bipolar disorder."

My manic depression could have easily wrecked my marriage and my relationships with my two children. Instead, we emerged as a tighter, stronger unit. How? Here are eight ways Eric helped me cope—tips for families on how, exactly, to hang in there with a loved one who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

1. Educate Yourself.

I remember the afternoon of my first severe panic attack. I phoned Eric at work as my breath grew shallow and my heart pounded as if I were having a heart attack. I was sure I was dying. As soon as he walked through the door, he stared at me suspiciously. My limbs were in place, and I seemed to be functioning just fine. What was the problem?

"You don't understand," I explained. "I thought I was dying! It was the most frightening experience I have ever had."

What convinced my spouse that my bipolar disorder was an illness, not a weakness? Research. The reams of paper that I printed out and asked him to read. The psychiatric evaluations he witnessed. The group therapy and family sessions he attended. And the conversations with other spouses of persons with bipolar disorder.

Education is always the starting point. Because until a spouse or daughter or friend of a manic-depressive understands the illness, it is impossible to say and do the right thing. Do your own research by going online to possiblefraudstart "www.nami.org" possiblefraudend NAMI.org (National Alliance of Mental Illness) or to possiblefraudstart "www.dbsalliance.org" possiblefraudend dbsalliance.org (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance), or by doing a Google search of the words "bipolar disorder."

2. Learn How to Talk to Your Loved One.

Eric doesn't say much when I'm clutching tissue paper, crying my eyes out. And he's hesitant to speak when I'm manic (not that I would let him get in a word). When I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, he reminds me why I need to. And when I'm revved up, he's the voice of reason telling me why a spontaneous trip to New York isn't smart.

possiblefraudstart "www.findingoptimism.com" possiblefraudend Anna Bishop, wife of fellow blogger James Bishop (findingoptimism.com) has some wonderful advice for the loved one of a manic depressive on what to say and when:

When James becomes ill he turns into a different person. I say goodbye to my husband, so to speak, and hello to bipolar James. In a depressive episode he becomes highly irritable and usually itches for a fight. Early on he will often make comments to bait me. "All I do is work, work, work, to support your lifestyle and your precious social group." You can imagine what a red rag to a bull that comment is.

At this point I have 2 options:
1. Take the bait, have a messy fight and accelerate his downswing, or
2. Grit my teeth and say "it's the illness speaking". If I can do that then I have a much better chance of diffusing the situation. A comment like "You sound stressed about work - let's talk" has better results and sometimes can even stop the mood swing.

3. Make Some Rules.

You know all the fire drills in primary school you prayed would happen during the math pop quiz? All those times the school administrators rehearsed what, exactly, would happen in the case of an emergency? Families of bipolar persons need them as well: a plan of action for those times when the a bipolar person is sick.

In order to design a such a strategy, the manic depressive and her loved one must compile a list of symptoms—like the smoke and burning smell of that make-believe fire in the third grade—and what action should follow them, like "call the doctor." Each family will have a different list of symptoms and a different model of recovery, because no two illnesses are exactly alike.

Eric and I have agreed that I will call my doctor after two consecutive night's sleep under five hours, or after three days of crying spells. A friend of mine told me that he and his wife have agreed that she will see her psychiatrist if she hasn't gotten out of bed for three days.

4. Plan for Emergencies.

As part of the above plan of action, you should consider what should happen when the bipolar person is very ill. "When you are dealing with a disease that has the potential to become life-threatening, the last thing you want is an improvised response to an emergency situation," writes Francis Mark Mondimore, M.D. in his book "Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families."

Part of your plan should include a list of people who you can call for help. Of course, it is recommended that the bipolar person be working closely with a psychiatrist, and that he know how to get in touch with the psychiatrist after hours, and in case of emergencies. It's also a good idea to know which hospital the psychiatrist works with, or if the doctor will work with any hospital in the area. Ask friends, doctors, and family members for their recommendations about hospitals and mental-health practitioners.

Also, the red tape of insurance issues is often too overwhelming to process at the time of the emergency, so get familiar with the details of your medical insurance coverage for psychiatric illnesses right now. Know the terms of hospital coverage, especially, and how much the patient is expected to pay out of pocket for various services.

5. Listen.

"When people are talking," writes Rachel Naomi Remen, "there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it."

When I think back to the days when I was very ill, crying and shaking at the dinner table and at preschool functions with the kids, no response was as appreciated as when someone simply listened. Suggestions came off as condescending, even though I know they were meant to be helpful. Advice was annoying. Many times I just needed to be heard, to be validated.

Don't hesitate to say nothing. Because silence often speaks the most loving message.

6. Go Gentle.

I can't count all the times I have tried Eric's patience with the reckless highs and debilitating lows of my bipolar disorder. When I get fired up and want to sign up for 60 new activities—not to mention losing my car keys, cell phone, and purse—it's difficult for him not to get annoyed. But because he places my exasperating behavior in the proper context of an illness, and sees them as mere symptoms of a disease--rather than careless and self-absorbed actions--he is better able to go gentle with me.

Moreover, a little kindness and gentleness toward your loved one—especially at those times that you feel incapable of affection and care-- goes a long way to aid recovery.

7. Laugh Together.

Humor heals in so many ways. It combats fear, as it loosens anxiety's death grip on your heart and every other living organ. It comforts and relaxes. And recent studies indicate that humor also reduces pain and boosts a person's immune system.

"Laughter dissolves tension, stress, anxiety, irritation, anger, grief, and depression," says Chuck Gallozzi of personal-development.com. "Like crying, laughter lowers inhibitions, allowing the release of pent-up emotions. After a hearty bout of laughter, you will experience a sense of well-being. Simply put, he who laughs, lasts. After all, if you can laugh at it, you can live with it. Remember, a person without a sense of humor is like a car without shock absorbers."

Humor also aids communication, and if there is one thing besides education that is absolutely essential for a healthy relationship with a bipolar loved one it's good communication.

8. Get Support for Yourself.

Care-giving is draining. Even when you are protecting yourself with the armor of regular sleep, healthy meals, and essential time-outs from your sick loved one, caring for a person still takes a toll on your physical and mental health.

"It can be exhausting to live with a hypomanic person and frustrating to deal with a seriously depressed person day after day," says Dr. Mondimore. "The changes and unpredictability of the moods of someone with bipolar disorder intrude into home life and can be the source of severe stress in relationships, straining them to breaking point."

That's why you need support as much as your loved one. You need to talk to people who have lived with a manic-depressive, and be validated by their experiences. Spouses and family members of bipolar persons should consider therapy for themselves, as a way of processing all the stress. You may also benefit from checking out support programs for spouses and loved ones of the mentally ill, like possiblefraudstart "www.nami.org" possiblefraudend www.NAMI.org (National Alliance for Mental Illness) that are available today.

14 Signs of Bipolar Disorder

14 Signs of Bipolar Disorder

In this excerpt from a recent Depression and Anxiety Bulletin, medical editor Karen L. Swartz, M.D., one of the physicians who evaluated me in Spring of 2006, reviews 14 symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Formerly known as manic-depressive illness, bipolar disorder is a mental illness characterized by alternating periods of mania and major depression. Typically, the mood of a person with bipolar disorder will swing from overly "high" and irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, with periods of normal mood in between.

Manic episodes are characterized by a distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood. The episodes, with their restless energy and volatile mood swings, are severe enough to cause trouble at work and home. Episodes of milder manic symptoms are called hypomania.

Men with bipolar disorder tend to have more manic episodes; women are more likely to experience depressive episodes. The time between cycles can vary greatly. Bipolar disorder can begin with a bout of either depression or mania, but about two-thirds of bipolar disorder cases start with a manic episode, and mania tends to predominate. Signs and symptoms of mania include:

1. Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood

2. Extreme irritability

3. Increased energy, activity, and restlessness

4. Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another

5. Distractibility and inability to concentrate

6. Diminished need for sleep

7. Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs in one's abilities and powers

8. Poor judgment

9. Spending sprees

10. A lasting period of behavior that is distinctly different from usual behavior

11. Increased sexual drive

12. Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications

13. Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior

14. Denial that anything is wrong

Dissecting Dissatisfaction

Do you remember your parents being this unhappy? When you walk the length of the cubicle aisles at your company, it may not be your imagination if you think people are looking a little more down at the mouth. For much of today's workforce, labor complaints of long hours, unsafe conditions, and low pay have given way to frustration about glass ceilings, poor leadership, lack of tolerance for self-expression, and a feeling of being undervalued, according to Craig Ross, president, and Steven Vannoy, CEO, of Pathways to Leadership Inc., and coauthors of the book, "Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done—and Be Excited About Work Again." Here's some of what Ross and Vannoy notice about a possible dissatisfaction trend:

• "We have Undergone Wholesale Changes In a Generation," says Vannoy. "Our parents and grandparents were the beneficiaries of early century labor struggles: Many of them felt fortunate to have a good job and spent their careers working for the same employer. Today's workers don't have the same mentality and expect more from their chosen vocations."

• Current American Workers Grew Up In a Culture Offering Wide Personal Freedoms and an Expressive Voice in almost every aspect of their lives—except the workplace. "They won't hesitate to leave for greener pastures if they feel undervalued, disrespected, or unfulfilled," says Vannoy. "Or, worse yet," he offers, "they won't leave at all, and instead will take out their frustration on customers."

• Our Dissatisfaction Problem Stems from the Culture We Created, says Ross. "Too many companies tout 'their people' as their greatest asset. But for the vast majority, their people are actually their greatest weakness. The problem is American workers bring phenomenal skills, experience, perspective, and creativity to the workplace, but those qualities are rarely acknowledged or nurtured by managers. Employee frustration is bleeding over into their attitudes and actions in the workplace."

• Many of You Don't Realize How Dire the Situation Is, adds Ross. "The American workplace is toxic, and business leaders simply don't get it," he stresses. "The human potential and creativity being lost every day in America is staggering. Imagine if 1 percent of the ideas, improvements, and solutions swimming in the minds of our workers were acknowledged, considered, and implemented. Our world would change in remarkable ways, and America would gain a huge economic advantage."

• But take Heart, There's No Such Thing As a Bad Worker, Ross asserts. We all want to be great. He says true leadership is not about motivating workers, but about helping them be great by nurturing their gifts. Companies that find creative ways to involve their employees, and make them a part of decisions and solutions, reap big rewards. Those that don't simply won't be able to compete.

In a Good Organization, There Is No "Them"

In a Good Organization, There Is No "Them"

In a viable organization, there is no "them." Everyone in the organization is a part of "us," and should be treated accordingly. If a clerical worker knows something that might help the CEO make better decisions for the company, the CEO wants to know about it. If the person who empties the waste baskets spots a problem the vice president for marketing ought to know about, the vice president for marketing wants to know about it. There should be no royalty in a company, and there should be no peasants. In some places, salaried professionals look down their noses at hourly employees. They fail to recognize the levels of skill, intelligence and diligence required to perform the basic tasks that keep us in business. Professionals who take this attitude are closing their eyes and ears to a fertile source of excellent ideas. The people who know most about what customers want are the people who are in daily contact with the customers. The people who know best how to operate our equipment are the people who operate it daily. When management fails to recognize the value and merit of these people, it's not the employees who are inferior; it's the management. So it's important that the people at the top of the corporate chart learn to listen to those in the lower echelons. It's also important that the people in the lower levels receive feedback from the top. Employees need to know how well they are doing and in what areas they need to improve. The ability to offer constructive feedback is essential for managers, supervisors and team members in quality-oriented participative management. Effective feedback takes into consideration the environment in which an individual is working and how the individual's job relates to the team and to the corporate mission. It lets employees know what they are doing right and what changes they need to make to enhance their effectiveness. Corporations that give managers and supervisors responsibility for evaluating and appraising employees without teaching them how to coach and counsel will get the kind of quality you get when you turn a bull loose in a china shop. When employees feel free to share their ideas -- and their complaints -- with managers and supervisors, and when managers and supervisors skillfully share corporate thinking with those who report to them, the lines between "us" and "them" begin to fade. You no longer have an organization of competing interests, but a boundaryless corporation that all stakeholders can feel that they're a part of.