I met a woman the other day who radiates contentment. She lives on a houseboat in London on the Thames and has a day job helping people give speeches. With a son and a long-time partner, she spends her time outside of work making things - like doors (for cupboards, entryways, etc.), or gardening her boat-top garden, or remodeling a boat for future travels.
She has a glow about her that reflects contentment and her open-hearted nature. Preparing for a short ride on the river, she offered me her warm cashmere 'dress-up' coat, in lieu of the fisherman sort of gear normally worn. Although I begged not to borrow such nice clothing for the boat ride, she insisted with such passion, I knew I had to say yes. She exudes kindness - to a friend or stranger.
On our ride, we were talking about some celebrity scandal in the news and she remarked 'who would want to be famous!', a sentiment many say but few I know really believe.
When I look around at the number of bloggers, tweets, wikipages, Facebook friends, and outlets for expression, it seems we've hit a crescendo of 'look at me' activity, a striving for attention enveloping the globe. I often find myself caught in that web of self-promotion - particularly as part of marketing a book. I find reflecting on the 'content of writing' vs. 'me as the writer' is a means around it yet the distinction challenges me everyday. The woman I met living life on a boat was as far from desiring such recognition as anyone I've ever known. And her ease and happiness were palpable.
Why is seeking recognition so prominent in the West today? A Pew poll cites 'getting famous' as one of the top 2 goals of graduating high school students (the other being 'getting rich'). Historically, that same Pew poll reveals a steady increase in these goals over the last several decades. But what becomes less desirable as fame and fortune move more to the top? Things like civic involvement and spiritual engagement have lost ground. So it seems our society is shifting, with 'attention-getting' moving way to the top - at whatever the cost. Celebrities are front-page news regardless of what they do to get there; some are famous merely by their ability to become famous.
Perhaps this striving has escalated because our numbers have grown so large. Being unique among 6 billion people requires a lot of work. Perhaps it is due to our praise of children for their uniqueness that may back-fire in adulthood when we notice how very much alike we all are. Perhaps it is merely our media access and newfound means of sharing 'who we are' to everyone who will listen.
I once read a quote by a South American shaman who said he was 'practicing the art of invisibility'. When queried by the writer as to why, he said that he could accomplish so much more from an invisible position than one of fame. I've wondered about that quote for a long time but think that part of the reason is that there is greater freedom to act when action is not tinged with attention-seeking. There is likely more energy available to effect change if one is not expending it on promoting oneself.
Turning a lens on our inward experiences with an eye toward detection of such striving may help shift it into our own lives and possibly our collective consciousness.
I think we all need to value anonymity a bit more. Perhaps if we do, we may find ourselves a little bit more content, happy and kind.
Thanks to Susan L. Smalley, Ph.D. / Psychology Today
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