Monday, July 11, 2011

Job Descriptions For The Real World

  • A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
  • A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist to tell you the time.
  • A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
  • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
  • A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
  • An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances there will be another bomb on the same plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
  • A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
  • A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
  • A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
  • A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
  • A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in a way that makes you look forward to the trip.
Thanks to The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc
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